I Felt Nothing



I remember when I used to get bullied within my own school system, I am not the most fit person and I admit that now am I ashamed of who I am of course not. No matter what though when I was a kid going through elementary and middle school I was somewhat bullied because I wasn’t ‘normal’. Though I suppose, define ‘normal’ what does that word even mean exactly anymore, walking through society as everyone else. I was different throughout my school life until one year when I dramatic change occurred in my life. As said in other blog post I have three sisters. Because of these three sisters I knew how to interact with girls, so throughout high most of my best friends were girls. Before high school though I didn’t know where I fit in other than the place I lived, I lived in a ‘coldasac’ or at least that’s what we called it in Indiana. A large circle with houses wrapping around it so cars could turn around easily at the dead end street. The street was full of kids my age and we were all really good friend, I am still best friends with one of them. The other two I had a falling out with and I decided I didn’t need them in my life. 

I continued to not find my place in life for a long amount of time I hadn’t had a girlfriend and wouldn’t have one until basically junior year. It wasn’t really important to me I mean I hardly knew who I was, why would I want to bring someone else into that mess. In my freshman year I was at my worst though, I failed basically every single class of mine and didn’t try whatsoever. I had some friends but nothing that special just some. I felt nothing that entire year of my life, I was basically a void of the person I thought I was, the bullying continued and this was the worst year out of any.

I contemplated committing suicide, but then something happened something that changed and saved my life, we moved. Leaving Indiana was one of the best things that could have happened in my life. I changed who I was but not just that I changed into someone better than I was before. I made friends, got a girlfriend, had sex, broke up with a girl, met a couple of other girls until I found the one I’m with today. What typical life it was but it was a better one for me and I love every day of it because I’m happy. 

We all have a bad time in our lives where we think nothing will ever get better, that time was freshman year of high school. Things get better though you just need a little push to see it. Hope is a powerful thing in my eyes if you have hope then you can do anything and you never give up. The world keeps turning and time continues on, and whether you believe that your life doesn’t matter or if your important. We are on this world together, and there will never be another person just like you no matter how hard the universe tries, you are unique. 

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