Carrying a Prison

Kilmainham Gaol Prison Dublin, Ireland 7/9/09

Looking around at my surroundings all I see are bars that are made to confine me to a space that I do not feel comfortable sitting in. Each bar made by a different situation, each apart of myself. Emotions, relationships, and even illnesses, though I sit alone and listen to the crickets chirp outside the windows and all I feel is peace. Asking myself question on why I have this prison made by my mind, constricting thought patterns that I may choose to have. As I look and wonder what it could possible be I come up unable to give any conclusions, though it has given me something to think about.

Throughout are lives we come in contact with things and situation that hinder are ability to be one hundred percent ourselves. Sometimes we hold onto these constriction depending on exactly what they are. These things include friends, family, and relationships, now if we  know that these categories help confine us then why do we hold on? Why do we all have different types of people that we portray in our entire lives? You wouldn’t act the way you do with your girlfriend or boyfriend the way you would with your parents…correct? You have a personality to accommodate every single different situations. Work, home, sex life, friend life, these are all you but they are also something stopping you from being one hundred percent who you are.

So, lets say that its not only me with this metaphorical prison that is stopping us from moving outside of the appropriate walls. The strength of said prison is completely reliant on how much you believe it exists. It is almost like thinking inside the box, but if the box is big enough to accommodates ones ideas then why think about it. If the prison of your mind is big enough to fit your personal needs then why ever notice that you are trapped, why would you ever realize it existed.

Depression is a scary word, full of a bad reputation associated with cutters and suicides and sadness. Like everything else though depression has it’s own layers of definitions and understandings. I sometimes feel that although I battle with depression on a day to day basis, there is also a part of me that would like to deny that. These parts of myself all contribute to the bars that I have placed myself in, every missed opportunity is another bar.

My own prison though is one that I have constructed myself with the help of the decisions I have made myself. Whether those are from relationships or friendships or even the way I have interacted with my family, it is my job to somehow craft a key to find my way out. Even though this post is about how we are all trapped by the confines of are mind there is a different side to it. There is a way out of everything and if we allow our minds to constrict us we can have it release as well. Though since it is your mind, no one can help come up with ways to find an escape plan.

I always look for ways to escape the mental prison and have yet to find my own way out. I have hacked away bar after bar by putting an end to a terrible relationship to trying new things. They always seem to grow back from something new and unrelated to the old, but it doesn’t mean that I have stopped trying. I don’t think anyone should.

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