Thank You Jesus…For My Wallet Back


Ever lose your wallet? I know I have, quite a few times sadly and every time it somehow gets back to me. It’s some deranged game of hide and seek it tries to play with me. I worked at a casino and ended up leaving it on the ground one night, luckily for me a security guard friend found the son of a *beep* and gave it back to me. Then it fell out of my pocket at an apartment complex into the snow and I thought I lost it forever.

Yet somehow someone found it and called me going ‘I have your wallet’ like it was a dang hostage negotiation, like what do you want you already have my money I have nothing left…wait what? I wish that had happened, what really happened was the lady found a card in my wallet and called the number help line and asked for the number associated with my account. Impressive detective skills if you ask me.


Done with your crap Pooh…

*accidental puns HOOORAY*

None of these though compare to the time when I had my wallet stolen by some punk little kids I was helping my ex babysit. I didn’t even want to go and help, I wanted to stay at my house and sleep before work but noooo I had to be a good boyfriend. So I take her to this house and I sit around and hang out with these little devil children, they were awful and I mainly just wanted to skedaddle.

Somewhere in this awful night someone had pick pocketed me somehow and just hid my wallet like a magician, I don’t know where it went but as soon as I realized it was gone I searched. Annoying part about it was I had forty bucks in it, there were also some kids in the house that were getting drunk and high off of shrooms. I believe they took it rather than the little kids because it made much more sense.


It’s the perfect plan >:D MUHAHAHAHAHAHA Hate you -_-

I basically moved on and realized that wallet and I would never see each other ever again, at least that is what I thought. A couple months after the incident I went out to check the mail and found a package, well it was more of an envelope


So yea, more of an envelope and inside this marvelous bubble wrap lining that is mail was my wallet…where did it come from? where has it been? I figured the mom of the pick pocketing fool found it and felt bad and sent it back to me, but not before slipping a little card inside it.


This is pretty much what the card looked like, it had a bit more detail like instead of rainbow it was Jesus himself. The card basically read ‘Jesus Loves You’ then on the back had a verse from the bible, but my forty dollars was long gone…along with my subway card for some reason. I was more pissed about the subway card than anything else to be honest because it was one of the old subway cards shaped like a sandwich, and I think I had enough points for a free foot long


I miss you Subway card!!!!!

Moral of the story: Jesus is using the postal service to dish out those miracles as well as charge 40$ and likes Subway…I guess.


One thought on “Thank You Jesus…For My Wallet Back

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