I’m an awkward person, I accept this, but I feel my most awkward traits come out during haircuts. Like I want a hair cutter? hair stylist? barber? I’m gonna go with barber, the word reminds me of men with curly mustaches.
I want a barber who is as socially awkward as I am, but I also get unlucky and get chatty Kathy’s. I feel bad whenever this happens because they try desperately to get me to talk.
Barber: What are you up to today.
Me: Getting…my haircut?
(Why do you all think we have plans for the rest of the day? Maybe getting our haircut was the highlight jeeeeeeez! Whoever gets a haircut right before anything important is doing it wrong. You always get a haircut a few days before said event, that way you have time to learn how to style it properly and not look like a joke! Wow this minor interruption turned into a full blown paragraph. It’s like aggressive herpes or something…not that I would know what that was like…you know what lets just move on.)
It doesn’t mean I don’t like you I swear, you’re probably a swell gal, I just suck at speaking while getting my haircut. It’s a problem. For some reason outside of that weird hair-cutting realm, I am given back my voice. I mean it’s still awkward, but at least it isn’t ‘getting your haircut’ awkward.
I have dandruff and honestly this time of year is harsh because of the dry weather, I always assume I’m being judged. I’ve tried everything in the god damn book to rectify this and no dice. I’m sure I blow it out of proportion, people say it’s not bad and it’s not like it’s noticeable. Unless I go into a laser tag arena, then it’s just embarrassing…I don’t play laser tag very often.
To all the barbers out there
“It’s not you it’s me.”
– Worst Breakup Line Ever