I Can’t Control My Spit

How does an introvert become an extrovert? Is it even possible, because if their is one thing that ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ has taught me it’s ‘fake it till you make it.” Or are the two like tattoos? Pretty much permanent unless you have the money to remove yourself from it.

I call bullshit as well on how easy it is to turn from extrovert to an introvert, but the opposite is surprisingly difficult. At least in my eyes the latter is tougher than the former, though some of you may disagree. Maybe an all mighty extrovert will view this blog and post a comment like,

Person: “Wes, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. I’ve tried locking myself in my room and writing poetry and playing video games, but people like me to much to let me go.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry if I offended you, I meant no harm by it.”

Person: “Oh it’s ok Wes I just wanted you to know.”

Me: “You…you think you can give me pointers on how to be an extrovert.”

Person: “HAHAHAHA It’s impossible for an introvert to turn into an extrovert sorry!”

Me: “Fuck you buddy!”

I’ve tried my hand at being extroverted I even went to a college party, holy bajeebus that was an awful idea. All I could do was stand there frozen in a corner and for some reason I forgot how to properly talk. A girl I knew in high school was there and she surprised me, her name had a P in it. Look I’m not proud that I can’t control my spit in awkward situation. Basically it was a bad night for her and me and I imagine she posted on Facebook something along the lines of, “Weird guy from high school just spit on me! WORST NIGHT EVER!” 

It’s her parents fault for putting a P in her name…

You might be thinking to yourself, ‘bajeebus, isn’t a real word’ and if you are, I will promptly tell you not to destroy my hopes and dreams.

6 thoughts on “I Can’t Control My Spit

  1. I’m a card-carrying ambivert. Yes, we exist.

    Being able to camp on both sides of the river, I have to say I think the delineations are too strict. Yeah, I’m biased but I’ve also seen a lot of introverts come alive like fireworks when they’re talking about their passion and someone is listening attentively. I love those heavy conversations.

    I’ve also seen extroverts crumple up like day old newspaper and retreat into their caves when they need to heal something. It’s a matter of percentages and those percentages are never 100% one way or the other.

    I’ve taken every test there is and, yes, I am almost equal parts introvert and extrovert. I don’t mean I have half of one group’s traits and half of the other’s, I mean I have most of both. I have to toggle between the two to stay afloat and sane.

    If you think heavy introversion is lonely, at least you have a group to huddle with. I half to conceal half my soul at any given time just to be accepted by whoever’s around. I’m always looking for the official ambivert meeting place but with all of us having to pretend all the time, how the hell will we recognize each other?

    • I am really glad you commented, I never thought about the possibility of being ambivert. You’re right at least I have my people to huddle with. I couldn’t imagine having to hide apart of yourself while with the other. If you ask me you should just be the first ambivert to bust out onto the scene. Like ‘Yea I like to go to parties, but sometimes I like to read a nice book in my room to. You got a problem with that?” I don’t know why you would get all aggressive in the end but whatever.

      • I’ll tell you why. Because uneducated morons tell me to my face that I’m lying about a real and scientifically valid state of being that I’m been dealing with all my life.

        Because introverts sneer and roll their eyes and say, “You’re not an introvert if you X,” and extroverts say, “Sorry, you’re not a real extrovert if you ever Y,” and then both leer at me like I’m delusional.

        Because articles abound telling introverts how valuable they are and extroverts how powerful they are and if they ever bother to mention ambiverts it’s in a joking manner or as an aside: “We’ve heard there’s another group out there but we don’t know much about it, so they probably aren’t worth addressing here.”

        Because introverts and extroverts alike treat me the the antiChrist if I do anything they consider to be out of character. It’s like walking a fuckin’ line between atheists and the Westboro Baptist Church.

        So, yeah, I’m a little cranky.

      • Hey I believe you, I don’t have any reason not to trust you. Honestly it makes sense to me, because like there are optimists, pessimists, and then realist. There is always start, middle, and end. Whenever you talk about any kind of spectrum you not only have to talk about both sides, but you also have to acknowledge that there is an in between place. I’m happy you brought this up because I for one never thought of looking into this middle ground.

      • Thanks for listening. I’m touchy at the moment for something else that happened so I’m a little “Come at me, bro!” right now. Thanks for understanding and letting me vent some energy.

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