Dunkin Tales: My First Break In

First off we might as well point out that both my coworker and I, are idiots. We accepted this the moment we heard the store door close. Why were we both outside doing the trash, well coworker had the cardboard and I had the heavy trash bags. It’s called teamwork people! With bad luck as terrible as this though I could only assume that I accidently spilt salt somewhere, or coworker spent their free time smashing mirrors.

We were almost out too, we had maybe five minutes left of work before we could close up. Coworker had their phone on them thankfully, and the fact that my manager lives right around the corner is helpful as well. My manager actually lives like one street away from my own, which in my opinion sucks big biscuits.

Coworker wasted no time texting manager, but we both knew it was a long shot. It was almost ten thirty and they had to wake up at four to open, so if manager did answer I was almost one hundred percent certain coworker and I would both be fired for stupidity.

I wouldn’t even blame them. I would simply nod my head understandingly and walk away.

So let’s make a list.

  1. It’s cold.
  2. It’s late.
  3. Both coworker and I are crying.
  4. Number three is a lie, it was too cold to cry.
  5. I’m pretty sure I already stated this, but here it is again. We’re stupid.

Whilst among the stupidity, there came a glowing brilliant moment, coworker was getting ready to call manager and I jumped and yelled “Stop!” I proceeded to turn and walk away without saying a word, why did I do this? I’m not quite sure, I am thankful though that coworker knew exactly what I was thinking. We walked around the building finding ourselves at the drive through window. I applaud myself in the fact that I always forget to lock the sucker, and as I pulled it open I sat there worried about how easy it was to do.

Imagine if some psychopath comes running up to it, the window is about as much protection as a broken condom. I pushed the feelings aside though because I was simply thankful that there was in fact, a way inside. Luckily for us, coworker is tiny and could easily fit through the window. I have yet to get to the point where I’m comfortable enough to stuff my big self through a tiny window. That is the dream though…right? Essentially I ran around the building and coworker opened the door for me.

Yea that’s right! We broke into our own store!

It wasn’t until afterwards that I was actually thankful that no cops were around, because the whole scene screamed suspicious activity.

Lesson Learned: Always lock the drive through window last. It could possibly save your freezing butt one day.

Dunkin Tales: You Forgot The Whipped Cream!

Do you have an answer for me yet? Why are people such douche canoes? I believe the answer is, because they can be.

I don’t believe that everyone is 100% douche, there is someone out there that probably sees the nice side out of these people which is great. That doesn’t change the fact that they came into the store acting like they own the place. Actually it was the drive through, so more like drove up to the store like they owned the place.

It happened last night and since then I’ve had the Magic song Rude’s chorus stuck in my head, except for the part about marrying her…because she was a jerk.

So lets set the scene, it’s 9pm at Dunkin and we close in an hour, I’m getting everything done and ready to go, I’m happy. Then this women comes along and orders a caramel ice latte, because it’s freezing outside so WHY THE HELL NOT DRINK SOMETHING COLD AS WELL!!!!! GOD JESUS CHRIST!

Ok, fine, fine, I’m cool, I’m fine.

Hades (Hercules)

On lattes you normally have to specify if you would like whipped cream, usually the worker asks if you want some, but it was late and I was tired. Basically both of us forgot to mention it, so it sat in the corner pouting because it always happens. When I brought the latte out it was her and a couple friends if I remember correctly. I went to hand it out and she was like ‘Where is the whipped cream?” and I was like “Oh I’m sorry miss I must have forgotten it.”

As I’m walking away to do it she goes, “Ya think?”

Like what the hell is wrong with people? Do you not understand that everyone else you interact with is also human, or do you really believe your the only important one. Do you think that you all have a right to be the scum of our race.

Like if our world was a dirty fish tank than you’re the god damn algae making everything slimy and disgusting.

Dunkin Tales – We’re Just Gonna Skip You…

So we went from Autumn flavored coffee with our Pumpkin Spice and jumped right to Christmas. Where are all the Thanksgiving flavors? Where is my ‘Sweet Potato Ice Coffee’ or my ‘Gravy Lattes’

Well that’s disgusting!

I suppose I can understand why they chose not to do any flavors for this time of year. We already have Christmas cups though, I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I love the color combination of red and green it’s wonderful, but Christmas is an ass and took it. Now whenever you use it all you can do is sing Christmas carols until you take it away. It’s almost like a disease.

Christmasitis – When you start hearing Christmas music even though you’re sitting at home writing a blog post. Then you know you’re screwed. 

Dunkin Tales – Big (Mac) Confusion


You would be surprised how many people actually get it all mixed up. Very few fight when I tell them that, ‘No, we aren’t McDonald’s’.There are some that want to prove me wrong, rather than admit to their own stupidity.

But hey let me explain…

I work at Dunkin Donuts, I like the job since I enjoy interacting with people to an extent. We have a McDonald’s that is right next door and though the drive thru’s are fairly far apart, people still end up in the wrong one. I mentioned to a co worker that seeing pink and orange should have been the first clue that you’ve done fucked up.

She preceded to say, ‘Yellow and red are pretty close.’ I told her she couldn’t talk to me anymore after that.

Mcdonalds-90s-logo.svg Dunkin'_Donuts_logo.svg

I call bullshit

My reaction went along the lines of, “DON’T CONDONE THE CRAZY!!!” Which I guess is kind of rude, most of them are old people with bad eye sight. Look I forgive you all because you entertain me.

There was one time though that blew everything else out of the water. This guy was my age and had to of been higher than the damn sky. Pretty much the conversation went something like this.

Guy: Heyyyyyy can I get a Big Mac and a large fry.

I look over at my co worker and mouth the words ‘What.The.Fuck’

Me: Excuse me?

I didn’t want to believe I heard him correctly.

Guy: I want a Big Mac and a large fry.

*face-palms myself into next week*

Me: I’m sorry sir we don’t have that here.


Me: This is Dunkin Donuts sir.

Guy: Noooo the sign said McDonald’s

I thought about his statement for a moment, had I been working at McDonald’s this whole time? Was my whole Dunkin career a lie? I preceded on 100% sure that I was in fact in Dunkin Donuts.

Me: That is actually next door, but could I interest you in a coffee.

Guy: No Dunkin Donuts sucks. *Drives off into a ditch…hopefully*

Moral of the story is high people are silly.