That Time an Asshole Crashed and (Almost Literally) Burned In Front of Me

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent too much of your life watching videos of vehicles colliding with things they have no business colliding with (e.g. walls, rivers, ditches, moving cars, parked cars, etc.) And if you’re anything like me, you probably cry yourself to sleep at night.

But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get on with the relevant story:

My partner Moose – yes, that is the name his mother didn’t give him – and I had spent the better part of the afternoon hanging out on the banks of the Columbia River east of Portlandia. It was summertime, so half of the Portland metro area was gathered along the Columbia to bask in the coruscating glory of the sun while dipping their toes in the river. This is not where our story takes place.

At the end of our Nicholas Sparks-worthy afternoon, we and the rest of the weekend warriors were reluctantly returning to the rest of our dreary lives. Like cattle, we filed onto the freeway. This is where our story takes place.

Two motorcyclists rushed from behind, whipping into the adjacent lane before zooming past us and settling themselves in front of us. We didn’t think much of it – perhaps smirked a little as they had been rushing to get nowhere fast. Their “stunt” was moot as the traffic wasn’t moving much anywhere in front of us.

Here’s where it gets fun, folks.

A third motorcyclist came zooming in much like his comrades. However, this third amigo didn’t get the memo about the stopped traffic ahead.

He rushed up, whipped to the right, zoomed to the left – and panicked at the stopped traffic by slamming the rear brakes. If you’re familiar with motorcycle riding at all, you already know the dangers of this maneuver, especially when done at high speeds and at an angle. His rear tire locked and rapidly swung right, left, right – I jolted up in my seat, crying “Whoa whoa, WHOA” – and BOOM, bike and biker are down. The ex-rider comes rolling past us as the bike slides beneath a semi-truck. The gas tank has been punctured and leaves a smear of gasoline on the road. The skidding of metal on blacktop creates just enough spark to ignite the leaking bike, which erupted into a 2 second long flourish of flame. The semi-truck nearly runs over the bike, but maneuvers out of the way in time.

To my right, the biker has jumped up and is holding an openly bleeding arm. He makes for the shoulder and starts yelling “Call and ambulance! Call an ambulance!” The semi-truck has pulled over 50 feet ahead and traffic is now a clusterf*ck around us. Moose is taking it hard – as a past motorcycle rider with a penchant for the cheap thrill, he says he knew what the bikers were doing and should have given them more room. I attempted to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, that the guy was being a dumb biker.

The police response time was fast – certainly faster than 3 minutes because we weren’t sitting there very long. An officer walked up to our car and asked if we were okay. Moose said how he felt bad. The officer replied with a half grin and said they’d been getting calls about that guy all afternoon. He’d been speeding up and down the freeway and had even catcalled a couple of women. “He’s an asshole and that’s what you get for riding like an asshole” – his words, not mine!

This made Moose feel a little better. I looked over my shoulder at the injured asshole. Apparently, there had been a doctor in the traffic behind us, so she was tending to him while the ambulance was on its way. The downed motorcycle had been moved to the other side of the road and a single file line was slowly moving through this little mess.

My heart was still at a slightly quickened pace, but all I could do was laugh. It could have been way, way worse. No one, aside from the one idiot, was hurt. Selfishly, I found it exciting – especially since there were no other casualties. Writing this now, I can still visualize that brilliant flash of fire in the middle of the road, something I’d only ever seen on a 2-dimensional screen until then. Wow. Just wow. To think how bad it could have been! And so I laughed the nervous laugh of great relief. Moose and I were still alive. We were together and we were still alive.

Stay safe, friends,
Michelle

Thanks for reading! Michelle and her companion Moose are the irreverent bloggers over at The Lonely Tribalistwhere they wax nonsense about politics, feminism, Conan O’Brien, and life in all its glory. Thank you, Wes, for allowing us this generous space to tell our tale!

I would like to thank Moose and Michelle for taking the time to guest post on my page, you guys are awesome!

I’m Back!

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Look I need you all to contain your excitement, I was going to come back yesterday but I didn’t want to steal Jesus’s thunder…

Don’t try and act like you don’t care because I know you do.

Basically I got a new job, like a real job people, a big boy job. No more dealing with customer service, I am now part of a pharmaceutical company called Unither.

Again, I need you to contain the excitement. I know you probably have questions and concerns for why I’ve been gone for about two months.

Lets leave that for later though because I need something from all of you. It’s not for me but for someone else. Someone out there wants to get to 125 followers and I think we could easily get her there. If we try, if we close our eyes and wish it!

We all like food, I know we do and if you want some good recipes to try out then hop over to Sass and Sauce. Not only does she have awesome recipes to try out, but she’s also an awesome person who deserves way more than 125 followers. I mean heck she probably deserve more than the number of followers I have even. She’s awesome, funny, sassy, and entertaining all around. Solid 11/10 so I mean…that’s pretty impressive…just saying.

 

SoCS: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Walking-path

It’s hard when there are moments in life where everything feels out of place, you wake up late, you get to work exhausted, you try to talk to people but the place where words are supposed to appear is void. I have a lot of those moments, even when everything seems fine those moments still creep their way up upon me. It’s only there where everything else that happens usually intensifies the situation. A coworker not wanting to talk, a jackass customer who misinterprets your exhaustion for rudeness and proceeds to call you an asshole. (Calling you out son of a gun!)

I try to stay positive, because even with all of this happening around me, even if I sometimes feel like everything is falling, I can still believe that it’ll be positive someday. Hope can keep me going and even though every day is progress it feels like nothing has changed. Life spun out of control when I turned eighteen and somedays I still get dizzy, it happens less frequently at least.

I try not to waste life most of the time, but cat videos on youtube call out to me, that awesome anime I read about is dying to be watched. What if while I’m doing pointless stuff I miss out on purchasing a winning lotto ticket, finding that thing I’ve been looking for, or miss the chance to meet someone who has been waiting to meet me without knowing.

Perhaps it’s loneliness that has me feeling this way, I talked to a coworker today about relationships and how messy they are. I haven’t been in a real relationship for a good three years, that’s hard to believe sometimes. I do talk to people, I met this one girl a couple weeks ago and somehow carried out a decent conversation.

It’s frightening though that a relationship ends up one of two ways, either you break up, or you end up together forever. Even the positive chance is enough to give me anxiety, but no one ever mentions that it’s a fifty-fifty shot. We push each other unaware of what it entails, I’ve changed due to relationships, sometimes it was for the worse. Yet there were times where I met someone that made me want to strive to be better, be the best Wes that I can be.

So perhaps I’m lonely, maybe I enjoy having someone in my life that makes me want to push my limits every day. When it’s me, myself, and I, sometimes it feels as though that push is a nudge and if not that then a tap, and there are times when that isn’t enough. I’m not trying to say that I need someone, because I don’t. It may take me longer, but I’ll get where I need to be on my own. Sometimes all you can do is walk your path by yourself, hoping that one day that person shows up, and you decide it’s time to run instead of walk.

But damn, why does it have to be so lonely.

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Linda G Hill’s ‘Stream of Consciousness Saturday

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Weekly Haiku Challenge: Pure & Wicked

Wicked

Pure

I fear for you my darling

For you are pure as light

Shown down from the sun

To guide you in your life

I trust you know what’s right

But that’s not why I fear

I’m afraid one day you’ll fight

With that gem you call a soul

So here is some advice, before the dying light

So you might reach your goal

The wicked are strong at night

wicked 2

Wicked

Beautiful soul gems

Burning to nothing but flames

And wicked shall rise

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I hope you all enjoyed, the two pieces are suppose to tell a story and I hope you saw the story within the words.

This has been part of RonovanWrites ‘Weekly Haiku Challenge

Weekly Haiku Challenge: To Eternity and Back

To Eternity

star

I shall watch

Them and I

To eternity and back

As time goes

I have witnessed

Stars flash and die

Given everything I ever had

To the children that I’ve seen

Grow into the people

That have taken it from me

Don’t you see

My love is infinite

Like the seas that run through me

I can’t give

What I don’t have

 Not being stingy

It’s just being greedy

I will watch

Them and I

To eternity and back

And Back

blackness_by_ready2freeze

Resources finite

An infinite love for us

Earth’s sad melody

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This is probably one of my favorite Haiku’s and Freku’s I have written so far for one of these challenges. This has been part of RonovanWrites ‘Weekly Haiku Challenge‘ Go check it out!

Friday Fiction: A Chance to Heaven

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Song: ‘Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart’ by Chris Cornell

“Every time I stare into the sun, I used to get this surge of protection. I don’t have that anymore, not here.” Miles spoke softly towards Emily. The sun seemed different there, in the new setting Miles had found himself. Of course it stayed the same as before, but still he felt as if it were a dream. If he pinched himself the sun would suddenly disappear leaving the world in a sudden darkness. Miles didn’t dare pinch himself for that very reason, even in the daylight danger loomed now. Before this, before everything, light was assumed to be a safety net. One that would not only protect, but also repel the ones that meant harm. Much like a blanket to a little child though, it was easily ripped away with the harsh tug of reality.

Every sound seemed to threaten his own existence, yet almost all of them proved to be no threat at all. The wind perhaps ruffling through the trees just a little too roughly, leaves flew across the ground making a noise that remarkably sounded like footsteps. The stress had already been getting to Miles and it had been no longer than ten minutes. Ten minutes since his life…well death…changed forever. Could they succeed? Could Miles truly keep Emily safe?

Would they both survive Purgatory?

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This was part of RonovanWrites ‘Friday Fiction‘ hope you all enjoyed.

When Sneezing Is Enough

So I sneezed the other day into my arm and thought, “Well shit, I can dance now.” I’m only twenty one and I have no idea what kids in high school are doing. Like how did this ‘Dab Dance’ become a thing?

I can’t really say too much because when I was in high school YOLO and SWAG were the big sayings…fucking SWAG…

People with allergies will be happy, they should be the best dabbers…dabbers? Out there. Let’s show some proof.

thedab

Apparently that’s ‘The Dab’

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And this is someone sneezing into their arm…so to be fair I found the most dabbish looking sneeze I could. So lets try again.

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The Dab.

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Someone sneezing into their arm.

In my opinion the nurse is doing a fabulous job at learning the new dance move.